The First Official Toots Playlist

Here is the first Official Toots Playlist. These songs mean so much to the Toots, and by sharing them with the Toots Nation, Rick and Kyle hope to give you a rare glimpse of their personal lives. Enjoy!

1. Josh Groban
    You Raise Me Up (Karaoke Version)

This song is featured in the Toots live show. The Toots pour pee and poop on themselves.

Josh Groban
Did You Know?                     Josh Groban was born on February 27th, 1981. He is currently 34 years old.







2. Take That
     Back For Good

This song is great for body rolls. Special thanks to Rob Morgan.

Take That featuring Robbie Williams
From Right to Left: Robbie Williams







3. Backstreet Boys
     As Long as You Love Me

This song is more fun if you sing a curse word at the end of each line of the chorus.

The Backstreet Boys
The Backstreet Boys Singers






4. Backstreet Boys
     Quit Playing Games With My Heart

This song is more fun to sing if you replace the word “heart” with the word “dong.”

The Backstreet Boys
Singer/Songwriter The Backstreet Boys







5. Randy Travis
     Deeper Than the Holler

This song is more fun if you sing these lyrics during the chorus:

              My Love is Deeper Than the Deep Holler
              Stronger Than the Strong River
              Taller Than the Tallest Tall Tree Growin’ Tall Upon the Tall Hill

Randy Travis
Did You Know?                   At age 15, actor, producer, model, and former businessman Mark Wahlberg was arrested for harassing African American children. He threw rocks at them and called them the n-word. Rock & Roll!










6. Randy Travis
     Send My Body

This song is great, but the Toots take issue with these lyrics:

              Just See They Bury Me
             Out By Momma’s Apple Tree
             And Send My Body Back to My Hometown

If his momma’s apple tree is located in his hometown, then by burying him underneath it his body will necessarily have to have been sent back to his hometown. The first request necessitates that second request be carried out. Don’t waste your breath Randy.

If, however, his momma has moved since Randy’s childhood, and her apple tree is not located in his hometown, then he’s requesting that he be buried in two separate locations.

The lyrics in this song only make sense if Randy is requesting that his body be sent back to his hometown, kept there for a definite period of time (likely a few days in order for mourners to pay their respects), and then shipped out to his momma’s town to be buried under her apple tree. This seems to us an unreasonable request, especially for a convicted felon.

Randy Travis
Singer Randy Travis






7. Brooks & Dunn
    Brand New Man

The Toots have girlfriends now, so they no longer have sex with many women.

brooks and dunn
Singer Brooks and Dunn





8. Alabama
     I’m in a Hurry (And Don’t Know Why) [Live at the 1993 American Country Music Awards]

This song has great lyrics with a timeless message.

(I Could Not Find an Image of Alabama)

9. Sade
     Hang on to Your Love

Kyle listens to this song before he has sex.

Did You Know?                     Singer Sade was raised in a broken home. Her parents divorced when she was only 4 years old!








10. Ace of Base
       All That She Wants

This song was played during the memorial service for the Toots’ former head of security, Chacho Guenancia, who died after he was run over by a Nissan Rogue in May of this year. Rest in Peace!

Ace of Base
Singer Ace of Base






11. Celine Dion
      That’s the Way It Is (Karaoke Version)

When Celine Dion met her husband René Angélil, Celine was 12 years old and René Angélil was 35 years old. She remains his prisoner to this day.

Celine Dion and Friend
Celine Dion and A Friend






12. DMX
       Where the Hood At

“Love is Love” – Barack Obama, President of the United States of America

Singer/Songwriter DMX






13. Stiches
       Brick in Yo Face

“This is a really fun record.” – Benjamin Koch, Customer Service Representative

Rapper Stiches
Singer/Songwriter Stiches






14. Teddy Pendergrass
       Turn Off the Lights (Live in London, 1982)

Rick listens to this song before he has sex.

Teddy Pendergrass
Teddy Pendergrass was not in the band The O’Jays







15. Teddy Pendergrass
       All By Myself (Live at the Stadium)

Rick listens to this song when he is alone.

Singer Teddy Pendergrass
Teddy Pendergrass smiling for the cameras in 1979







16. Teddy Pendergrass (feat. Ashford & Simpson)
       Reach Out and Touch (Somebody’s Hand) [Live at Live Aid]

Rick listens to this song when he donates to charity.

The dead Teddy Pendergrass
Did You Know?             Teddy Pendergrass is dead now!







17. Mariah Carey (aka Mimi)
       Always Be My Baby

Rick listens to this song when he thinks about true love.

Mariah Carey
Mariah Carey, Singer






18. Mariah Carey (aka Mimi)
       Fantasy (Clean Version Without Ol’ Dirty B*%!#d)

Rick listens to this song when he is having sex.

Singer/Songwriter Mariah Carey
Singer/Songwriter Mariah Carey







19. Mariah Carey (aka Mimi)

Rick listens to this song when he is alone!

Songwriter Mariah Carey
Did You Know?             Singer Sade was raised in a broken home. Her parents divorced when she was only 4 years old!








20. Savage Garden
        I Knew I Loved You

“1000 Angels Dance Around You” – Savage Garden

One of the singers of Savage Garden told everyone he was gay in the early 2000s
One of the singers of Savage Garden told everyone he was gay in the early 2000s







21. The Chantrellines
       Hold My Hand, Hold My Heart

Too true!

From the Major Motion Picture "Joe Versus the Volcano"
The Chantrellines aren’t a real band. That is why you can never see them perform live. Tom Hanks just made them up for a movie he made.








22. Bruce Springsteen
        Thunder Road

This song is more fun if you sing these lyrics to the melody of the outro:

        A Cup of Some Mud
        A Cup of Some Tasty Coffee
        A Cup of Some Tasty Coffee Beans

Did You Know?               Bruce Springsteen = Rock, Heartland Rock, Folk Rock, Roots Rock, and, of course, Jersey Shore Sound








23. Phil Collins
       Sussudio (Music Video Version)

This song was accompanied by a fantastic music video. The Toots were inspired by the music video’s themes of perseverance and determination.

“Never give up on your dreams.” – The Toots

Drummer Phil Collins
Phil Collins can barely hear anything anymore because his drumming was too loud. Rock & Roll!








24. Kajagoogoo
        Too Shy


Beautiful Boy
“Beautiful Boy” by John Lennon







25. Paul Lekakis
       Boom Boom (Let’s Go Back to My Room)

This song is great for body rolls. Special thanks to Rob Morgan.

Did You Know That Paul Lekakis Worked as a Male Prostitute in West Hollywood Between 1994 and 1997, many years after he was famous
Did You Know?                     Paul Lekakis worked as a male prostitute in West Hollywood between 1994 and 1997. He used to be famous in the 80’s, but in the 90’s he wasn’t famous anymore. That’s why he became a prostitute.










26. Gary Low
       I Want You (Because You Make Me Feel Good) [Winning Guy Version]

“I am an Easy Man to Catch” – Gary Low

Italian Born Spanish Citizen Gary Low
Italian Born Spanish Citizen Gary Low







27. The The
       This is the Day

This song plays during the credits of the Toots’ unreleased motion picture: “Toots Rising.”

The The? What? Hello? Anyone in There?
Singer Matt Johnson is the only one left in the band. 17 different people to quit the band. Matt Johnson is 53 and doesn’t have a wife or any kids!








28. Blood Sweat and Tears
        You’ve Made Me So Very Happy

Kyle listens to this song after he has sex.

My Grandpa Went to Synagogue with the Trumpet Player From Blood , Sweat and Tears
Trumpet player Lew Soloff became more spiritual as he grew older. He is more religious now than he was when he was a kid.








29. John Lennon
       Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy) (2010 – Remaster)

“I am a beautiful boy.” – Dennis Feitosa, Adrenaline Junkie

I Wish He Was Still Alive. He was Such a Good Singer!
I wish he was still alive. He was such a good singer!







30. Sheryl Crow
        All I Wanna Do

The chorus is fun to sing on the subway when your alone or with friends.

Girl Power!
Did You Know?                 “Girl Power” is a term of empowerment for women and girls.







31. The Osmonds
       That’s the Way (I Like It) 

This song was performed on the first episode of “Donny & Marie.” Donny and Marie were on ice skates for part of the show.

Do I Suspect a Romance Brewing!?!?
Did You Know?                   Donny and Marie Osmond are siblings by blood, but they were also romantically involved. A lot of people think they had sex.

The Toots Take Tokyo

kyle tokyoキャンディーズは私の好きなバンドの一つです。ディスコの曲の中で、春一番は最高の曲です。今年、少なくとも一回は私のラジオ番組で、 キャンディーズだけ流すと約束します。私は人気絶頂のなか、引退する決定をしたキャンディーズをとても尊重しています。「普通の女の子にもどりたい」は彼女たちの有名なお別れの言葉です。アメリカのディスコのバンドやポップのバンドの中で、そのような決定をできるバンドはないとおもいます。

キャンディーズ: 1973から1977までです。


The Toots Take The Bowery Electric

Last Thursday, the Toots performed for sold out crowd at the world famous Bowery Electric Theater in Manhattan. The room was packed with adoring fans, some of whom chose to sit on the floor or stand rather than miss the chance to see Rick and Kyle in the flesh. Sitting throIMG_1031 (1)ugh 30 minutes of opening acts only fed the crowd’s hunger for Toots comedy, and culminated in uproarious applause as the Toots emerged from behind a velvet curtain. The Toots then proceeded to give the audience nearly an hour and a half of unique, non-stop, cutting edge, innovative comedy.

Speaking to the Toots outside after the show, the boys were exceptionally modest, expressing to me repeatedly how grateful they were to have performed at such an historic venue. Acutely aware of the Bowery Electric’s rich history, the Toots were thrilled to join the ranks of Billy Joe Armstrong, Norah Jones, and the many distinguished performers who have graced that stage. I do nBoweryElectricot think I’m out of line in saying, on behalf of all of us who were in attendance last Thursday, that Rick and Kyle’s performance will be remembered as a watershed moment not only in the history of the Toots, but the history comedy in the city of New York.


The Toots End Their Tour

Wow! Sweet dreams really are made of these…if by “these” you mean hordes of adoring fans that follow all of our orders. The Toots rounded out a successful tour of the midwest by having sex with two very successful and ambitious students from the University of Louisville. What a blast!

Can’t wait to see our friends back in New York City, the city of dreams.

Kyle got this one!
Kyle had this one!
And Rick had this one!
And Rick had this one!

The Toots Take Louisville

Louisville is truly the city of fun! The Toots performed for a sold out crowd at the Bard’s Town Theatre last night. The Toots’ fears that the joint would be too hip for a couple of good old boys from the Ohio countryside proved unfounded. The crowd embraced the Toots with open arms. The positive reception was both a product, and a justification, of the glowing review in louisville’s alternative paper the “LEO Weekly.” Your welcome louisville for a fantastic show!

bard's town
The one and only Bard’s Town Theatre

The Toots Commemorate the Loss of a Colleague

The Toots are deeply saddened by the loss of their colleague and head of security Charles “Chacho” Guenancia. He was killed in a fatal car accident when, distracted by the bright lights of a nearby Tru-value Supercenter, he was run over by a Nissan Rogue. The Toots regret letting Chacho out of their sight and promise not to let any more of their employees die. While the Toots debated ending their tour out of respect for the dead, they decided to continue the tour. “We have never been to Louisville before,” said the Toots, “and, although Chacho is dead, we are still having a lot of fun.”

The Toots will perform at the Bard’s Town theater tomorrow night. Can’t wait to see you guys there!!!

R.I.P. The one and only Charles “Chacho” Guenancia

The Toots Take Cincinnati & Newport

Wow, what a wild ride in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky! The Toots were introduced to Cincinnati by hometown heroes, and backing vocalists for the legendary blues band 98 degrees, Nick and Drew Lachey. The Toots met up with the brothers at “Lachey’s”, Nick and Drew’s sports bar in downtown Cincinnati. Rick had a Cuban sandwich

Our friends Nick and Drew Lachey
The one and only Nick and Drew Lachey

and Kyle had two cheese platters (despite his recent aneurism, Kyle is still not dieting). The Toots shared some laughs, some hugs, some tears, and even some kisses with the Lachey brothers. If the day had ended there, it would have gone down as one of the most perfect days of the Toots’ lives.

However, with the Toots thinking their day couldn’t get any better, a truly great man sat down at their private booth to join them. Can you guess who it was? It was Jeff Timmons, also of 98 degree fame. “Oh my god!,” yelled the Toots, “Jeff Timmons! You’re Jeff Timmons!”

“Hey guys,” said Jeff, “I’m a big fan of the Toots. I’m especially puzzled by the chemistry that you guys have together. I’ve never seen so much chemistry between

Our friend Jeff Timmons
The one and only Jeff Timmons

two performers. Watching the Toots perform reminds of the feeling I would get when 98 degrees would harmonize together. Theres an unexplainable magic. You guys have the IT factor that everyone in Hollywood talks about.”

“How do you guys do it?” asked Jeff Timmons.

“We’ve always thought of ourselves as the best performers in the country, and now that Jeff Timmons has told us that he is puzzled by our chemistry, we know we’re the best performers in the country,” said the Toots. “But to answer your question Jeff Timmons, we’d have to say it’s our natural talent.”

“That’s how we do it,” explained the Toots.

The one and only poster from the Toots performance at the Jerzees Theater

The Toot’s performed at Jerzees Theater later that night and the show was very good.

The Toots pose with a fan after the show. Also look at the poster in the background too.
The Toots pose with the one and only Alex Baker, lead singer of the acclaimed indie band Coconut Milk.

The Toots Take Denison

Denison’s Bandersnatch Theater was packed to the gills (and packed with girls) for the Toots show last night. In addition to the dozens of Denison fanatics who had waited all day to see the Toots perform, a number of Ohioans, some from as far as Dayton (3 hours from Columbus), came to see what exactly the Columbus Dispatch had been raving about for 2 weeks. Shirley and Eduardo Calderon, age 64, from Germantown, said “I saw the Toots’ article in the weekend edition of the Dispatch and I thought, lets check it out. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to see. Wow, what a show.”

The one and only Bandersnatch Theater
The one and only Bandersnatch Theater

The Toots strike again, and can’t wait to bring the house down in Cincinnati!

The Toots Take Doobiepalooza

After an arduous and fulfilling journey out to Columbus – replete with countless personal and professional revelations – the Toots arrived at Denison university ready to perform. During their 10 hours trip from New York, the Toots discussed their views on religion, abortion, and their own quirks and idiosyncrasies. For example, Kyle learned that Rick has no pinky toe on his right foot. Quirky huh?

The Toots arrived on Denison’s campus overwhelmed by the support of their fans and admirers. As they drove up Main Street in Granville toward Denison’s campus, the Toots were flanked by hundreds, if not thousands, of Denison students cheering “Toots, Toots, Toots…” After being treated to a feast of bok choi, cabbage and artichoke hearts at

the home of Denison student and teen rap sensation P-Star, the Toots felt ready to perform. The evening proved to be a perfect appetizer to an entrée of comedy and fun.

The one and only P-Star
The one and only P-Star

By MCing Doobiepalooza, the largest annual concert on Denison’s campus, the Toots showed their fans, and industry professionals, that their professional skills are not limited to sketch comedy, improv comedy, stand-up comedy, musical performance, and commercial acting. As MCs the Toots provided some much need comedy relief between sets. The show lasted 6 hours (2 hours longer than the Toots had agreed to perform, but they rolled with the punches), and featured a number of acts that were as diverse stylistically as they were in their skill level. Everyone from talentless no-name phony Carter Moebius to headliners Beach Fossils – international superstars, fellow Brooklyn natives, and close personal friends of the Toots – were given a chance to show their stuff.

The one and only Beach Fossils
The one and only Beach Fossils

However, in the end, as fun as it was for the Toots to MC Doobiepalooza, the Toots can’t wait to perform their show tomorrow and show Denison what it means to be successful.